wishlist

One of the biggest pieces of advice I’ve received in regards to my dad’s death is “don’t dwell on the ‘what ifs.’” This is a valid suggestion, and I completely agree that we should live our life thinking about what does happen rather than about what we wish could happen,. But, I would be lying to myself and everyone, if I didn’t say there was a lot I wish. One of the biggest things I wish, is that I wish my friends knew my father. I wish my friends could meet my father. It's weird to think about how such a few number of my friends now knew my dad. I would say people who I was friends with when my dad was alive, and I'm still friends with, I could count on one hand. I tell stories about him and I can tell it’s hard for people to understand. If you don’t understand him you can’t really understand the stories as well. I wish there was more of my friends who knew him so we could reminisce more. It’s hard for me to reminisce with his friends, because I wasn’t there. I wish my dad could make my friend’s laugh. When I was leaving to go back to New York my mom told me “ I’m always here for you, and so is daddy.” My dad will always be there for me, but he’ll never be able to be near my friends. So, for right now, I’m going to get out all of my “I wishes.” I’m not going to be able to think of them all right now, or put them all down, but I need to get them out..

I wish you were at our bat mitzvah
I wish you were at our 8th grade graduation
I wish my middle school friends knew you better
I wish you were there to go to concerts with me
I wish you lived a week longer, we had plans for you to teach me how to use your camera
I wish you were there to help me through the beginning of high school
I wish you knew my high school friends
I wish you were there to teach me how to drive
I wish you were there to help me apply to college and tour colleges with me
10.I wish you would roll your eyes when I asked to throw a party
11.I wish you were there to see us get accepted to college
12.I wish you were there for high school graduation
13. I wish you were there to see us start college
14.I wish you were there to visit me in college
15.I wish you were here to meet my college friends
16.I wish you were here to provide some comic relief from this political mess
17.I wish you were here to embarrass me
18.I wish you were here to call me when I was upset
19.I wish you saw me at my summer job
20.I wish you were here to help me build up the confidence to work on comedy
21.I wish you were here to yell at me
22.I wish you were here to help me
23.I wish you were here to hug me
24.I wish you were here
25.I wish the number of years you’ve been dead don’t keep going up
26.I wish you could see how amazing our family is now
27.I wish I didn’t have to wish these things

In addition, I reached out to some of my friends who’ve also lost loved ones. I asked for their lists as well, here are some of their wishes.

Harper Altshule (to her father)

I wish I could grow/age without distancing myself from you

I wish that as I get older and add more experience to my life I’m less the person that was shaped by him and less of the me that i was with him

Achilleas Ambatzidis (to his father)

I wish you could have been there when I turned two

I wish you could have been there when I learned to love

I wish you could have met her

I wish I could have photographed you

I wish you could have moved me in

I wish you could have told me what to do

I wish you were here

Sophie Oberstein (to her father)

I was thirteen years old when my dad died. It was the middle of eighth grade, five months after my Bat Mitzvah, and three months after his 50th birthday. That was four years ago, and since then a lot has changed in my life. I miss my dad in different ways every day, but my life is so different now that it’s sometimes hard to imagine him still in it. My mom and I live in a different house, my mom has another boyfriend, and I go to a different school with a completely different circle of friends than the ones he knew. My day to day life is no longer as impacted by his absence, but certain milestones are hard to get through without him there.

I wish he had been there to drop me off at the bus stop on the first day of highschool.

I wish my highschool friends had gotten a chance to meet him. I really hope he would’ve liked them.

I wish he had been the one to teach me how to drive, and been there the day I finally got my license.

I wish he was with me when I got my nose pierced.

I wish he was here for my 16th birthday.

I wish he was able to see my homecoming pictures.

I wish he was here when the Dodgers made it to the World Series. He definitely would’ve accompanied my Grandpa to a game.

I wish he was here when my first article got published in the school newspaper.

I wish he was here when my first college acceptance letter came.

I wish he would be able to celebrate my 18th birthday with me.

I wish he was going to be here for my prom.

I wish he was going to see me graduate high school.

I wish he would be there to help me decorate my dorm room.

I wish he were here to give me music suggestions.

Even though things are a lot different now that my dad is gone, I know that he will always be with me. While he may not have been physically here for previous milestones, he was absolutely there in spirit, and will continue to be throughout my life. He helped shape me into the person I am today, and I am so grateful that I got to be with him for the time that I did.

Maya Djiji (to her father)

I wish you could talk to me now and tell me how you finally understand who I am and what I love.

You never fully understood me before but I truly believe that you are watching over me now and protecting me and learning and listening to me. You never really listened before, but you have lots of time to hear me now and I have plenty of time to reflect and remember you for who you were in my life but also who you were for other people in their lives. I truly do miss you Aba.

Julia Mace (to her mother)

I wish you were here

I wish you were here on a bad day, when you’re the only person who can soothe me

I wish you were here on a good day to enjoy it with me

I wish you were there when I graduated high school

I wish you were there to move me into my first college dorm

I wish you were there when I figured out it wasn’t everything I thought it would be

I wish you were there the first time I got my heart broken, and every time after that

I wish you were here when I am sick and alone

I wish you were there when the Gilmore Girls did a revival

I wish you were here for me to come home to for the holidays

I wish you were here to help me figure adulthood out

I wish you were here when I am at the beach

I wish you were here when I’m at home

I wish you were here

I wish you were here to cheer me on and support me

I wish you were here to see me get married

I wish you were here to be a grandma

I wish you were here on any old day, anywhere, any time

I wish you were here, all the time, everyday

I wish you were here

Emily Bogartz- Brown (for her grandma)

Hi Ahma,

I don’t know how to start something like this… The idea of talking to you on paper feels eerily similar to when we were writing each other letters my first year at college.

I’m in my film class. Ten minutes early. There a

re three other people sitting roughly three seats apart from one another; I, four chairs apart from the boy to my right... I suppose I should start.

I wish you were there when Leo spoke poorly of Michael. I hope you looked down at him with disdain.

I wish you were here to see how hard mom is fighting for Michael, and for you, and for me. I hope you are inspired by her strength; You left her with a lot of pieces of a puzzle that had yet to be assembled, or even named.

I wish you saw how incredible Tyler is doing is college. He is thriving. He is an angel.

I wish you told me how sick you really were.

I wish you told me so that I knew not to take the time we had together for granted… because I did.

I was foolish.

I wish that you are sitting next me as I write this. Saying, “Oh, cookie, you are so talented. I am so proud of you.”

I hope you are proud of me.

I love you.